A late recruit to the veterans category, specialising in the 10m (that is metres, not miles) TT sprint.

Ian Richardson's extensive cycling cv and cat like stealth stands him in good stead for this arduous and tactical event. The power and latent strength evident in the muscular and aerodynamic form has an advantage over this distance. Where the bony 9 stone athlete is contending with airflow issues over bony protuberances, this svelte form factor gives an almost golf ball like stability and accuracy. A good start is paramount and again the heavier build is favoured, with good thigh and shoulder size important.

The custom-formed helmet allows the cheeks to blend seamlessly with the helmet sides and on blustery days the rear spoiler can attach to the skin suit hoodie to provide all-important draft protection to prevent those nasty cold winds chapping the delicate neck area.

It is appreciated Ian has no race history, but given the above he is sure he can attract a good deal of publicity for the club. TT event riders have sometimes been seen as an elite bunch of masochistic self-believers. By his efforts he is hoping to disprove this. He does not want to take the limelight from the TEF team and is seeking independent sponsors. Substantial offers are already on the table, but they may have been consumed now and will need replenishing.

So, we need the course, organisers and competition. We are hoping to hold preliminary heats during shop hours on Oxford Street, adjacent to the shop. Given the large numbers of spectators and riders expected it will be organised on a 1st come 1st served basis. To get on the list, drop into the shop with your details, a packet of biscuits (preferably chocolate coated), and a nice bottle of wine (single malt whiskey or Absinthe will guarantee a good start position).

PS Mark, can Ian borrow your bike, just until Giant have delivered the custom one-off?

Well that's it, I'm abandoning my hopes of any TTs this year then. This is way out of my league. I'll have to volunteer for crowd control on Oxford Street instead.

Are the rumours true that those helmets have a boot where you can keep your drink, spare tube and headlight battery? If so I might consider one for MTBing. Anyway, it's just crying out for an “Alien” paintjob.

I'm after a 2up partner, can mark sort out a skin suit